Daily Jokes to Beat the Boredom » Women

No Women French Foreign Legion (adult)

admin — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 10:00:09 +0000

In the olden days of the Legion Etrangere (French Foreign Legion), Lieutenant Lefevre was extremely happy to be posted near Bir Ounane, right in the middle it seems, of the desert.

Boy howdy, did he enjoy the challenge of the elements, the demands for personal survival skills, the camaraderie of the other officers, etc! In fact, for four months, he enjoyed EVERYTHING!

Around the beginning of his fifth month there, a steady ache in his groin reminded him that the hadn’t had any female companionship and that it was time to put his johnson back to work. He confided one day in Sergeant LeBrun: “Sergeant, I’ve got a personal problem. I need a woman. What do the men do when they have this urge?”

“Sir,” responded Sergeant LeBrun, “there’s no problem. They usually take the camel…”

“Non, non, non. Jamais! Never! Never!” screamed the lieutenant. “I will not descend to such low conduct.”

Well, about two months later, he really is feeling horny, and he asks the sergeant to point out the camel. Stepping up behind the camel, he drops his pants, plants his dick in the camel and humps away. The camel roars and roars, the more the lieutenant pumps. Finishing, he asks, “Well, sergeant, I guess you’ve never seen anybody screw a camel better than that!”

“That’s true, mon lieutenant, they usually take the camel into town to the whorehouse.”

Joke found on http://www.huumor.com

10 Things Only Women Understand

admin — Tue, 10 May 2011 08:00:06 +0000

10. Cats’ facial expressions

9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors

8. Why bean sprouts aren’t just weeds

7. Fat clothes

6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time

5. The difference between beige, off-white, and eggshell

4. Cutting your bangs to make them grow

3. Eyelash curlers

2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made

AND, the Number One thing only women understand:

1. OTHER WOMEN

Men Chasing Women

admin — Sun, 24 Apr 2011 18:00:06 +0000

Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

For the same reason dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

What Men Hear When Women Speak

admin — Sun, 24 Apr 2011 07:00:06 +0000

What a woman says: “This place is a mess C’mon, you and I need to clean up.

Your stuff is lying on the floor, and you’ll have no clothes to wear, if we don’t do laundry right now!”

What a man hears: blah, blah, blah, blah,

C’mon blah, blah, blah, blah,

you and I blah, blah, blah, blah,

on the floor blah, blah, blah, blah,

no clothes blah, blah, blah, blah,

right now !

Women Vs. Dogs

admin — Tue, 12 Apr 2011 09:00:06 +0000

Q: What’s the difference between a dog barking on the front porch and a woman hollering on the back porch?

A: If you let them both inside, the dog will stop barking.

Women And Small Feet

admin — Sat, 02 Apr 2011 18:00:06 +0000

Why do women have smaller feet than men?

So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.

8 Things Women Won’t Say

admin — Fri, 01 Apr 2011 09:00:06 +0000

8. What do you mean today’s our anniversary?

7. Can we not talk to each other tonight? I’d rather just watch TV.

6. Ohhhhhh, this diamond is wayyyyyyyyy tooooooo big!

5. Can our relationship get a little more physical? I’m tired of being ‘just friends’

4. Honey, does this outfit make my butt look too small?

3. Aww, don’t stop for directions, I’m sure you’ll be able to figure out how to get there.

2. I don’t care if it’s on sale, $300 is way to much for a designer dress.

1. Hey, pull my finger!

3 Women Went Out Drinking

admin — Wed, 30 Mar 2011 13:00:06 +0000

3 women went out drinking, and decided to have a contest of who could get the drunkest.

The next day the women all got together.

The first woman said, “I drove my car into a ditch.”

The second woman said, “I blew chunks.”

The third woman said, “I burned down my house.”

After they all had told their stories, the third woman said, “I guess I won,” and the second woman said, “You don’t understand, Chunks is my dog.”

Top 10 Things Only Women Understand

admin — Sun, 27 Mar 2011 19:00:06 +0000

10) Cats’ facial expressions.

9) The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.

Why bean sprouts aren’t just weeds.

7) “Fat” clothes.

6) Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.

5) The difference between beige, off-white and eggshell.

4) Cutting your bangs to make them grow.

3) Eyelash curlers.

2) The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.

1) Other women.

Two Women…

admin — Fri, 25 Mar 2011 01:00:06 +0000

Two women go out one Friday night without their husbands.

As they head back home, right before dawn, both of them drunk, they felt the urge to pee.

They noticed the only place to stop was a cemetery. Scared and drunk, they stopped and decided to go there anyway.

The first one did not have anything to clean herself with, so she took off her panties and used them to clean herself and discarded them.

The second, not finding anything either, thought, “I’m not getting rid of my panties…” so she used the ribbon of a flower wreath to clean herself.

The morning after, the two husbands were talking to each other on the phone, and one says to the other:

“We have to be on the look-out, it seems that these two were up to no good last night, my wife came home without her panties.”

The other one responded: “You’re lucky, mine came home with a card stuck to her butt that read: “We will never forget you”.