Woman’s Quote of the Day:

“Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it’s our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something with which you’d like to have dinner with.”

Men’s Counter-Quote of the Day:

“Women are like fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind and then turn full-bodied with age until they go all sour and vinegary and give you a headache.”

I love to go to the dentist. A man in white hovering over me while I’m trapped helpless in a chair. He cleans me. He flosses me. His instruments alive in my mouth.

And just when I don’t think I can take it anymore, he says, ‘Good girl, Marcie, you can spit now.’ – Marcie, from the “Married With Children” sitcom.

What did Clinton say when commenting on Monica?

She has the whitest teeth I’ve ever cum across.

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. –Benjamin Franklin

I’m Jewish, you pay me, I don’t pay you.

From the New Zealand Dominion Sunday Times, 25th October:

“I’ll take the 2-stroke penalty, but I’ll be damned if I play it where it lies”
-Golfer Elaine Johnson, after her shot ricoheted off a tree into her bra.

If guns are outlawed, what will we shoot liberals with?

Sam Midkiff

A man walks out of a bar totally hammered, only to be greeted by a snobby woman. She takes one look at him.
”You, sir, are drunk!”
”And you ma’am, are ugly. But when I wake up, I will be sober!”

A man walks out of a bar totally hammered, only to be greeted by a snobby woman. She takes one look at him.
”You, sir, are drunk!”
”And you ma’am, are ugly. But when I wake up, I will be sober!”

Steve Wright:

I wrote a song, but I can’t read music so I don’t know what it is. Every once in a while I’ll be listening to the radio and I say, “I think I might have written that.”