Why are complaints of married people like the noise of the waves on the shore?

Because they are murmurs of the tied.

How many polish people does it take to milk a cow?

9, four to hold the legs, four to hold the udders, and one to tell them when to move the cow up and down.

How to Annoy People at Work

1)Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch

paper, 99 copies. 2)Practice making fax and modem noises. 3)During

meetings, disassemble your pen and “accidentaly” flip the cartridge

across the room. 4)Staple papers in the middle of the page. 5)ALWAYS

TYPE WITH CAPS-LOCK ON 6)type only in lower case.

7)dontuseanypunctuationorspaceseither 8)While making presentations,

occasionally bob your head like a parakeet. 9)In the memo field of

all your checks, write “for sensual massage.” 10)Ask your co-workers

mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook.

Mutter something about “psychological profiles.”

Some useful descriptions of people you may come into contact with from day to day.

1. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

2. Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn’t watching.

3. A room temperature IQ.

4. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold them together.

5. A photographic memory, but the lens cover is glued on.

6. A prime candidate for natural de-selection.

7. Bright as Alaska in December.

8. During evolution, his ancestors were in the control group.

9. Fell out of the family tree.

10. Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.

11. Has two brains; one is lost and the other is out looking for it.

12. He’s so dense, the light bends around him.

13. If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week.

14. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.

15. It’s hard to believe that he beat 100,000 other sperm.

16. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, but he just gargled.

17. Takes him a hour-and-a-half to watch “60 Minutes”.

18. One burger short of a happy meal.

If God had wanted people to be gay… he would’ve made Adam & Steve instead of Adam & Eve.

2 people walk into a bar. The third one ducked.

How do crazy people get through the forest?

They take the psycho path.

Announce that you are taking pictures for the yearbook.

They take the psycho path.

THE QUARTERBACK SNEAK: People who leave Mass before it’s over without grave reason.DRAFT CHOICE: Choose a seat near the back door.DRAW PLAY: What many children (and not a few adults) do with their bulletins during Mass.BENCH WARMER: Those whose only participation is their attendance at Sunday Mass.BACKFIELD IN MOTION: Making two or three trips outside the Church during Mass.STAY IN THE POCKET: What happens to a lot of money that ought to go to the Church.SUDDEN DEATH: The penalty to the priest who preaches more than twenty minutes.THE BLITZ: The mad stampede for the doors as the Iconastasis doors are closed.