| Daily Jokes to Beat the Boredom |
| Keeping the world smiling |
Cover Charge: $15.00
Round of Drinks: $23.00
Table Dance: $30.00
Another Round of Drinks: $23.00
Couch Dance and Tips: $50.00
A Round of Shots: $34.00
Another Round of Drinks: $23.00
Lap Dance and Hand Job: $100.00
Private Dance and Hotel Room: $500.00
Sending her on her way without having to cuddle or listen to her:
………..PRICELESS!
Ninety-four-year-old Mrs. Hatcher showed up at her lawyer’s
office one Monday morning. “I want you to begin divorce
proceedings,” she announced.
The lawyer was aghast. When he regained his composure, he said, “Mrs. Hatcher, you and your husband have been married for over seventy years. What in the world could have happened to make you want to get divorced at this stage in your life?”
Mrs. Hatcher looked him squarely in the eye. She cleared her throat and said, “We wanted to wait until all the children were dead.”
A husband leaves the house to go pick up dinner for he and his wife. Shortly after leaving, the doorbell rings.
It is her husbands best friend and she invites him in. Since she is in her bathrobe the man says to her “you have the nicest breasts”. She says “thanks but my husband would be mad if he heard you”.
He replies “I would pay you $10 just to see one of them”. She thinks for a minute and decides to do it.
He says “Wow that is the most perfect breast I ever saw….I will give you another $10 if you show me both at the same time”.
She does it, and he gives her the money. The friend leaves and her husband comes home. She says “your best friend just stopped by”. He answers “Great did he leave the $20 he owed me”
36 things you’ll never hear from a Redneck…
1. “I’ll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex”
2. “Duct tape won’t fix that.”
3. “Come to think of it, I’ll have a Heineken.”
4. “We don’t keep firearms in this house.”
5. “You can’t feed that to the dog.”
6. “I thought Graceland was tacky.”
7. “No kids in the back of the pick-up…it’s not safe.”
8. “Professional wresslin’s fake.”
9. “Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?”
10. “We’re vegetarians.”
11. “Do you think my hair is too big?”
12. “I’ll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy.”
13. “Honey, these bonsai trees need watering.”
14. “I don’t understand the appeal of NASCAR.”
15. “Give me the small bag of pork rinds.”
16. “Deer heads detract from the decor.”
17. “Spitting is such a nasty habit.”
18. “I just couldn’t find a thing at Wal-Mart today.”
19. “Trim the fat off that steak.”
20. “Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.”
21. “The tires on that truck are too big.”
22. “I’ll have the arugula and radicchio salad.”
23. “I’ve got it all on a floppy disk.”
24. “Unsweetened tea tastes better.”
25. “Would you like your fish poached or broiled?”
26. “My fiance is registered at Tiffany’s.”
27. “I’ve got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.”
28. “She’s too old to be wearing that bikini.”
29. “Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?”
30. “Hey, here’s an episode of “Hee Haw” that we haven’t seen.”
31. “I don’t have a favorite college football team.”
32. “Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.”
33. “I believe you cooked those green beans too long.”
34. “Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.”
35. “Elvis who?”
36. “Checkmate”
There are three things a man over 40 should never forget:
Never pass up the opportunity to take a leak. Never trust a fart. Never take a hard-on for granted.
Why don’t most women ever tell their husbands when they’re really enjoying sex?
Because their husbands are never there when it happens!
Uh…top 10 things not to say to a naked man:
10: Awww…that’s cute
9. Well, at least you’re good at other things
8. Do you think it’ll fit my old Barbie® clothes?
7. My li’l brother has one like that.
6. Are you cold?
5. ::giggles::
4. Maybe we should just be friends
3. Can you make it dance?
2. Umm…maybe you should get dressed
1. Oh…look…its hiding!
What’s coming but never comes?
Tomorrow!
1) I’m bored. Let’s shave my pussy!
2) Shouldn’t you be out drinking with your friends?
3) Great fart!! Rip another one!
4) Pet names are silly. I just call it my c*nt.
5) You should see the shit I just birthed.
6) I’d rather play Duke Nukem than go shopping.
7) Let’s start subscribing to Hustler.
Would you like to see a video of me going down on my friend?
9) I’ll swallow it all. I love the taste of it!
10) Are you sure you’ve had enough to drink? I’m buying.
1.He had only one major publication
2.And it was in Hebrew
3.And it had no references
4.And it was not published in a refereed journal
5.And some even doubted that He wrote it Himself.
6.It may be true that He created the world, but what has He done since then?
7.His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
8.The scientific community has had a very rough time trying to replicate His results.
9.He never applied to the Ethics Board for permission to use human subjects.
10.When one experiment went awry, He tried to cover it up by drowning the subjects.
11.When subjects did not behave as predicted, He often punished them, or just deleted them from the sample.
12.He rarely came to class: He just told students to read the book.
13.He has his son teach the class.
14.He expelled His first two students for learning too much.
15.Although there were only ten requirements, most students failed His tests.
16.His office hours were infrequent, and usually held on a mountain top.”
