First they went to an Army base. The Army general went up to a young soldier and to him to run through the firing range.

With a quick, “Yes, sir!” the private took off. Not five steps into his mission, he was hit several times and killed.

The Army general turned to the other three and said, “Now THAT takes balls.”

Next they arrived at an air base where the Air Force general ordered a young airman to dive out of a plane at 10,000 feet, without a parachute.

The airman said, “Yes sir.” and off he went. When at the required altitude, the airman hurled himself from the plane. He hit the ground with a nauseating squish.

The Air Force general turned to the other three and said, “Now THAT takes balls.”

The next stop was a Marine base. The Marine general ordered the first Marine he found to lay down in front of an oncoming tank.

The Marine barked, “Yes Sir!” and ran out on the field. The tank roared over the poor Marine leaving very little to bury.

The Marine general turned to the other three and said, “Now THAT takes balls.”

Finally they went to the coast to a naval base. The Navy Admiral walks up to one of the carriers docked at the pier and yells up to a young deck seaman.

“Sailor, I want you to jump off that carrier down to the pier where I’m standing.”

The Sailor looks down at the admiral and said, “Pardon me sir?”

The admiral replied, “I want you to jump off that ship on to the pier.”

The Sailor looks down at the seven stories to the pier, turns back to the admiral and says, “FUCK YOU SIR!”

The admiral turns to the other three with a grin from ear to ear and says, “Now THAT takes Balls!”

2. Your Jedi robe is camouflage

3. You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill, or Mad Dog 20-20.

4. At least one wing of your X-Wing is primer colored.

5. You have bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder.

6. You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.

7. You have ever had an X-Wing up on blocks in your yard.

8. The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.

9. Wookies are offended by your B.O.

10. You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn’t have to wait for a commercial.

11. You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing/bowling.

12. Your father has ever said to you, “Shoot, son come on over to the darkside… it’ll be a hoot.”

13. You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defenseelectro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light.

14. You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your landspeeder.

15. You think Han Solo would look better in flannel cause he looks a little sissy in that vest.

16. You ever fantasized about Princess Leia wearing Daisy Duke shorts.

17. You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to slide in through the window.

18. Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.

19. You ever fell in love with your sister.

20. You have ever referred to Darth Vader’s evil empire as “them damn Yankees.”

21. You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.

22. You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with a redwood deck.

23. You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels on the rocks during the cantina scene.

24. In your opinion, that Darth Vader fellow “just ain’t right.”

He paints flames and a NRA sticker on the warp nacelles.

You have a shuttle called “Billy Joe Bob”.

He refers to Klingons as “Critters”.

He refers to Photon Torpedoes as “Popguns”.

He has the sensor array repaired with a bent coathanger and aluminum foil.

He installs a set of bullhorns on the front of the saucer section.

He says “Got your ears on, good buddy” instead of “open hailing frequencies”.

He hangs fuzzy dice over the viewscreen.

He rewires his communicator into his belt buckle.

He keeps a six-pack under his command chair and a gun rack above it.

He says “Yee-Ha!” instead of “Engage”.

He has a hand-tooled holster for his phaser.

He insists on calling his executive officer “Bubba”.

He sets the fore viewscreen to reruns of “Bassmaster”.

He programs the food replicator for beer, ribs, and turnip greens.

He paints the starship John Deere green.

He refers to a Pulsar as a “Blue Light Special”.

He refers to the Mutara Nebula as a “swamp”.

His moonshine is stronger than Romulan Ale.

He sings “Lucille” instead of “Kathleen”.

His idea of dress uniform is CLEAN bib overalls.

He wears mirrored shades on the Bridge.

His idea of a “gas giant” is that big ol’ XO Bubba after a meal of beans and weenies.

He sets phaser to “Cajun”.

You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws. Jack Daniels makes your list of “Most Admired People.” You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, “Hey, y’all watch this!”

You’ve got more than one brother named ‘Darryl.’ You think that Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader. Your wife’s hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan. Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.

You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are, “Gentlemen, start your engines.”

The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas it has in it. One of your kids was born on a pool table. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos. Ya can’t get married to yer sweetheart ’cause there’s a law against it.

You dated one of your parents’ current spouses in high school. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk. Your school fight song is “Dueling Banjos.” Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

If you average 3 hours of sleep a night

If your trash is overflowing and your bank account isn’t

If you go to Wal-Mart more than 3 times a week

If you are personally keeping the local pizza place from bankruptcy

If you wake up 10 minutes before class

If you wear the same jeans 13 days in a row — without washing them

If your breakfast consists of a coke on the way to class

If your social life consists of a date with the library

If it takes a shovel to find the floor of your room

If you carry less than a dollar on your person

If you haven’t done laundry in so long you are wearing your swim suit to class

If you celebrate when you find a quarter

If your room is so cold that your toilet freezes over

If you wear a sweat suit for so long that it stands up by itself

If your backpack is giving you Scoliosis

If you get more sleep in class than in your room

If your idea of feeding the poor is buying yourself some Ramen Noodles

If you can sleep through your roommate’s blaring stereo

If you live in an area that is smaller than most mobile homes

If you get more e-mail than mail……

THEN YOU MIGHT BE A COLLEGE STUDENT!!!

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* You ever heard the phrase, “May the force be with y’all.”

* Your Jedi robe is camouflage.

* You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.

* At least one wing of your X-Wings is primer colored.

* You can easily describe the taste of an Ewok.

* You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your yard.

* The worst part of spending time on Dagobah is the dadgum skeeters.

* Wookiees are offended by your B.O.

* You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you didn’t have to wait for a commercial.

* You have ever used the force in conjunction with fishing or bowling.

* Your father has ever said to you, “Shoot, son come on over to the dark side…it’ll be a hoot.”

* You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to get the barbecue grill to light up.

* You have a confederate flag painted on the hood of your land-speeder.

* You ever fantasized about Princess Leah wearing Daisy Duke shorts.

* You have the doors of your X-wing welded shut and you have to get in through the window.

* Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought that Jabba the Hutt had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.

* You have a cousin who bears a strong resemblance to Chewbacca.

* You suggested that they outfit the Millennium Falcon with redwood deck.

* You were the only person drinking Jack Daniels during the cantina scene.

* If you hear . . . “Luke, I am your father… and your uncle…”

2. You get a whiff of manure and think of home

3. You know what 4-H is

4. You ever went to “headlight parties”

5. You used to drag “main”

6. You said the ‘f’ word and your parents knew within the hour

7. You schedule parties around the schedule of different police officers, since you know which ones will bust you and which ones won’t

8. You ever went cow-tipping

9. You have ever partied with a guy who is 25, has no job, but is the ‘buyer’ for all of the best parties

10. You have parties at the same guy’s house

12. School gets cancelled for state sporting events

13. The town social events are their children’s

14. You could never buy cigarettes because all the store clerks knew how old you were (and, if you were old enough, they’d tell your parents, anyhow)

15. When you did find someone old enough and brave enough to buy smokes, you still had to go out to the country and drive on back roads to smoke them

16. Social acceptance in town depended on the approval of the five old (but rich) hags that met each morning at the donut shop for the latest smut

17. You were ever in the Homecoming parade

18. You have ever gone home for Homecoming

19. You fix up to go buy milk lest anyone starts the rumor that you have gained weight or quit taking care of youself

20. No place sells gas on Sunday

21. Friday nights fun consisted of standing in line for the one screen theater and since it was sold out, watching truckers and drinking coffee at the truck stop (the only place open after 10)

22. You have to drive an hour to buy a pair of socks

23. It was cool to date someone from the neighboring town

24. You have ever gone for a walk in the cemetery, on a date

25. You ordered your waredrobe out of a catalog

26. You had senior skip day

27. The whole school went to the same party after graduation

28. The only ‘clique’ that nobody would be nice to was the skurves across the street

30. You don’t give directions by street names or house numbers, but you give directions by references (turn by Armstrongs’ Liquor, go two blocks past Andersons’, and it’s four houses left of the track field)