Well, Little Johnny was waving his hand in the air frantically. The teacher decided not to ask Little Johnny and picked Alice.

Alice got up and said, “Today it is sunny outside and the children are playing outside. What a lovely day!”

The teacher again did not want to ask Little Johnny who was still waving his hand in the air frantically. The teacher picked Billy to tell his story.

Billy got up and said, “I went to my sisters wedding last week. The church was decorated with flowers and ribbons. Everyone remarked that the bride and groom made a lovely couple.”

By this time the teacher decided to ask Little Johnny since she could not think of anything he could say wrong with the word “lovely” in the story.

Little Johnny stood up and told his story. “The other day I was sitting at the dinning room table with my family. My sister spoke up and told my dad that she had a new boyfriend.”

The teacher thought this was great, Little Johnny had not said anything offensive so she made him continue. Little Johnny continued, “She then told my dad that she was pregnant. My dad replied, ‘Lovely, just F***en Lovely’.”

Later in the week, his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and said, “Johnny what is the matter?”

Little Johnny responded, “I have a pain in my side. I think I’m going to have a wife.”

When he goes to the front door, the girl’s father answers and invites him in. “Carrie’s not ready yet. Why don’t you have a seat?”

Carrie’s father asks Bobby what they’re planning to do.

Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie.

“Why don’t you two go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it!”

Naturally, this comes as a quite a surprise to Bobby — so he asks Carrie’s dad to repeat himself.

“Yeah,” says Carrie’s father,

“Carrie really likes to screw; she’ll screw all night if we let her!”

A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announces that she’s ready to go.

Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door.

About 20 minutes later, Carrie rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father, “Dad, it’s called the twist!”

The nun scolded Little Johnny, and went on with her lesson.

A few minutes later, Little Johnny poked Little Jane with the pencil again, and again Little Jane told on him.

This continued throughout the class, and after a while the nun had simply had enough of this, and began to ignore them both. About halfway through her lesson, she asked the class if anyone knew what Eve said to Adam after she gave birth to her tenth child.

Right then, Little Johnny poked Little Jane again, and she stood up and yelled at Little Johnny, “If you poke me with that thing again, I’ll break it!”

“I’ll say a letter of the alphabet and you give me a word that starts with that letter. Let’s begin. A”

All the children raise their hands, but little Johnny was almost coming out of his seat trying to get picked. The teacher knew Johnny had a filthy mouth and thought to herself that if she picked Johnny, he would give her a word like ‘ass’ or ‘asshole’. She picked Wendy, and Wendy said “apple”.

“Very good”, said the teacher, “now B”.

Johnny was jumping out of his seat again, but the teacher picked Bobby. Bobby said “ball”.

This went on and on with Johnny trying to get picked for each letter and the teacher knowing there was a dirty word for it. Then she got to “R”. Nobody but Johnny had their hands up.

The teacher thought and thought and couldn’t think of a bad word that started with “R”. So she picked Johnny.

Johnny stands up and says: “R…Rat…a big, fat, fuckin’ Rat!”

Little Sally walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said – “Teacher, my mom is the most beautiful woman in the world.”

Teacher says, “Very good, Little Sally, you may sit. Little Frankie, your turn.”

Little Frankie walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said – “Teacher, the sunrise this morning was the most beautiful sunrise I have ever seen.” Teacher says, “Very good, Little Frankie, you may sit. Little Johnny, it’s your turn.”

Little Johnnie walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said – “Teacher, last night my big sister told my dad that she was pregnant and he said…

‘Beautiful, just fuckin’ BEATUIFUL!’ ”

Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears.

When they arrived home from the hospital, the parents invited Little Johnny’s family to come over and see their new baby. Little Johnny’s parents were very afraid that their son would have a wise crack to say about the baby so the dad had a long talk with little Johnny before going to the neighbors.

He said “Now, son… that poor baby was born without any ears. I want you to be on your best behavior and not say one word about his ears or I am really going to spank you when we get back home.”

“I promise not to mention his ears at all” said Little Johnny.

At the neighbors home, Little Johnny leaned over in the crib and touched the baby’s hand He looked at it’s mother and said “Oh What a Beautiful little baby”. The mother said “Thank you very much, Little Johnny.”

He then said, “this baby has perfect little hands and perfect little feet. Why… just look at his pretty little eyes…. Did his doctor say that he can see good?”

The Mother said “why, yes Johnny… his doctor said he has 20/20 vision.

Little Johnny said “well, its a darn good thing, cause he sure couldn’t wear glasses!!!

something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.

When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time.

She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, since he sometimes could be a bit crude.

But eventually his turn came. Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down.

Well the teacher couldn’t figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was. “It’s a period,” reported Johnnie.

“Well I can see that,” she said. “But what is so exciting about a period.”

“Damned if I know,” said Johnnie, “but this morning my sister said she missed one….

Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the guy next door shot himself!”

She quickly turned and asked, “What’s so funny Bobby?”

“Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters.”

“Get out of my classroom,” she yells, “I don’t want to see you for three days!”

The teacher turns back to the chalkboard.

Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment; she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, “What’s so funny Billy?”

“Well teacher, I just saw BOTH of your garters.”

Again she yells, “Get out of my classroom!” This time the punishment is more severe, and tells him – “I don’t want to see you for three weeks!”

Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.

“And where do you think you are going?” she asks.

“Well teach, from what I just saw, my school days are over!”