Little Johnny and Little Jane were in church, learning about Adam and Eve. Little Johnny poked Little Jane with a pencil, and Little Jane said, “Sister, Little Johnny poked me with a pencil!”

The nun scolded Little Johnny, and went on with her lesson.

A few minutes later, Little Johnny poked Little Jane with the pencil again, and again Little Jane told on him.

This continued throughout the class, and after a while the nun had simply had enough of this, and began to ignore them both. About halfway through her lesson, she asked the class if anyone knew what Eve said to Adam after she gave birth to her tenth child.

Right then, Little Johnny poked Little Jane again, and she stood up and yelled at Little Johnny, “If you poke me with that thing again, I’ll break it!”

One day after school,Little Johnny went up to the teacher and said,”Teacher,Teacher,take of your shirt.” The teacher said,”Johnny no!” Johnny goes,”If you don’t then I’ll tell my mommy and she’ll tell my daddy then you’ll get fired!” “Ok,Johnny,” said the teacher while taking it off. Then Johnny said,”Teacher,take off your pants.” The teacher said,”No,Johnny!” Johnny said,”Then I’ll tell my mommy then she’ll tell my daddy and you’ll get fired!” “Ok,Johnny,”said the teacher as she took them off. Johnny said,”Teacher, take off your bra.” “No,Johnny!”said the teacher. “I’ll tell my mommy then she’ll tell my daddy and you’ll get fired!”said Johnny. “Ok,Johnny.”the teacher said as she took it off. “Teacher,take off your panties.”johnny said. “No,Johnny!”said the teacher. “I’ll tell my mommy then she’ll tell!” “Ok,Johnny,”said teacher as she took them off. The Johnny undressed and said to his teacher,”Teacher,Teacher.Let me fuck you!” The teacher replied,”No,Johnny.” “I’ll tell my mommy and she’ll tell my daddy and you’ll get fired!”said Johnny. “Ok,Johnny”the teacher said as she climbed on the desk!

The teacher was telling her 4th grade class about today’s lesson.

“I’ll say a letter of the alphabet and you give me a word that starts with that letter. Let’s begin. A”

All the children raise their hands, but little Johnny was almost coming out of his seat trying to get picked. The teacher knew Johnny had a filthy mouth and thought to herself that if she picked Johnny, he would give her a word like ‘ass’ or ‘asshole’. She picked Wendy, and Wendy said “apple”.

“Very good”, said the teacher, “now B”.

Johnny was jumping out of his seat again, but the teacher picked Bobby. Bobby said “ball”.

This went on and on with Johnny trying to get picked for each letter and the teacher knowing there was a dirty word for it. Then she got to “R”. Nobody but Johnny had their hands up.

The teacher thought and thought and couldn’t think of a bad word that started with “R”. So she picked Johnny.

Johnny stands up and says: “R…Rat…a big, fat, fuckin’ Rat!”

The teacher says, “Children, today I will ask each of you to come to the front of the class and use a word in a sentence. Today’s word is “beautiful”. Little Sally, would you please come up here and use “beautiful” in a sentence?”

Little Sally walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said – “Teacher, my mom is the most beautiful woman in the world.”

Teacher says, “Very good, Little Sally, you may sit. Little Frankie, your turn.”

Little Frankie walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said – “Teacher, the sunrise this morning was the most beautiful sunrise I have ever seen.” Teacher says, “Very good, Little Frankie, you may sit. Little Johnny, it’s your turn.”

Little Johnnie walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said – “Teacher, last night my big sister told my dad that she was pregnant and he said…

‘Beautiful, just fuckin’ BEATUIFUL!’ ”

Little Johnny ’s next door neighbors had a baby.

Unfortunately, the little baby was born with no ears.

When they arrived home from the hospital, the parents invited Little Johnny’s family to come over and see their new baby. Little Johnny’s parents were very afraid that their son would have a wise crack to say about the baby so the dad had a long talk with little Johnny before going to the neighbors.

He said “Now, son… that poor baby was born without any ears. I want you to be on your best behavior and not say one word about his ears or I am really going to spank you when we get back home.”

“I promise not to mention his ears at all” said Little Johnny.

At the neighbors home, Little Johnny leaned over in the crib and touched the baby’s hand He looked at it’s mother and said “Oh What a Beautiful little baby”. The mother said “Thank you very much, Little Johnny.”

He then said, “this baby has perfect little hands and perfect little feet. Why… just look at his pretty little eyes…. Did his doctor say that he can see good?”

The Mother said “why, yes Johnny… his doctor said he has 20/20 vision.

Little Johnny said “well, its a darn good thing, cause he sure couldn’t wear glasses!!!

The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about

something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.

When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time.

She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, since he sometimes could be a bit crude.

But eventually his turn came. Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down.

Well the teacher couldn’t figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report on something exciting, so she asked him just what that was. “It’s a period,” reported Johnnie.

“Well I can see that,” she said. “But what is so exciting about a period.”

“Damned if I know,” said Johnnie, “but this morning my sister said she missed one….

Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the guy next door shot himself!”

A young female teacher was giving an assignment to her 6th grade class. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the boys in the class.

She quickly turned and asked, “What’s so funny Bobby?”

“Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters.”

“Get out of my classroom,” she yells, “I don’t want to see you for three days!”

The teacher turns back to the chalkboard.

Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment; she reaches to the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks, “What’s so funny Billy?”

“Well teacher, I just saw BOTH of your garters.”

Again she yells, “Get out of my classroom!” This time the punishment is more severe, and tells him – “I don’t want to see you for three weeks!”

Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is an burst of laughter from another male student. She quickly turns to see Little Johnny leaving the classroom.

“And where do you think you are going?” she asks.

“Well teach, from what I just saw, my school days are over!”

Little Red Riding Hood is skipping down the road when she sees the Big Bad Wolf crouched down behind a log.

“My, what big eyes you have, Mr. Wolf,” says Little Red Riding Hood.

The surprised wolf jumps up and runs away!

Further down the road, Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again-this time he is crouched behind a tree stump.

“My what big ears you have Mr. Wolf, ” says Little Red Riding Hood.

Again the foiled wolf jumps up and runs away!

About two miles down the track, Little Red Riding Hood sees the wolf again, this time crouched down behind a road sign.

“My, what big teeth you have Mr. Wolf,” taunts Little Red Riding Hood.

With that, the Big Bad Wolf jumps up and screams, “Will you get lost?

I’m trying to take a shit!”

A pig walks into a bar and orders a beer. After drinking it, he hops off the bar stool, pees on the floor and leaves.

Another pig comes in, drinks his beer, pees on the floor and leaves.

A third and forth piggy come in and do the same exact thing.

Finally, a fifth piggy comes in to the bar and orders a beer. After finishing his beer, he gets off the bar stool and begins to walk out the door.

Before reaching the door, the bartender yells – “Hey Pig…aren’t you going to pee on the floor like the others?”

To which the pig replies – “No you idiot! Everyone knows that the last little piggy goes WEE WEE WEE – all the way home!”

Three Little Pigs went out to dinner one night.

The waiter comes and takes their drink order.

“I would like a Sprite,” said the first little piggie.

“I would like a Coke,” said the second little piggie.

“I want water, lots and lots of water,” said the third little piggie.

The drinks are brought out and the waiter takes their orders for dinner.

“I want a nice big steak,” said the first piggie.

“I would like the salad plate,” said the second piggie.

“I want water, lots and lots of water,” said the third little piggie.

The meals were brought out and a while later the waiter approached the table and asked if the piggies would like any dessert.

“I want a banana split,” said the first piggie.

“I want a root beer float,” said the second piggie.

“I want water, lots and lots of water,” exclaimed the third little piggie.

“Pardon me for asking,” said the waiter, “but why have you only ordered water?”

The third piggies says -

“Well, somebody has to go ‘Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!’”