A doctor is making a routine call to one of his elderly patients. He asks, “And how are you doing today, Mr. Johnson?”

Mr. Johnson replies, “I feel just fine, doc. But you know, it’s the strangest thing. Every night when I get up to pee, the bathroom light goes on for me automatically when I open the door.”

The doctor is worried that the old guy is getting senile, so he phones the man’s son, and the son’s wife answers.

The doctor tells her, “Mrs. Johnson, I’m a little concerned about your father-in-law. It seems that when he gets up to urinate at night and opens the bathroom door, the light somehow goes on…”

Mrs. Johnson yells, “Steven! Daddy’s peeing in the refrigerator again!”

How many Kennedys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Four – one to hold the bulb, and three to drink till the room spins!!

How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb?

a: What’s a light bulb?

Whats the difference between light and hard???

You can go to sleep with the light on!!!

Q. How many right-to-lifers does it take to change a light bulb? A. Three. Two to screw it in, and one to confirm that light began while they were screwing.

11. One to change the light bulb, 5 to say that the new bulb is tr00 and necro, and 5 to say the new bulb sucks, and the old bulb was tr00 and necro.

A: None: ‘Real Men’ aren’t afraid of the dark.

A’: None of your damn business!

A: Six. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience.

Ten – one to screw it in and nine to sing about how much they miss the old one.

Trumpet players.
All they have to do is hold the bulb up to the fitting, and allow the universe to revolve around them.