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Posts Tagged ‘Clinton’


Short Clinton Jokes (crude, Offensive)

Friday, November 18th, 2011

Hopefully, all the humor-impaired and those who can’t understand warnings have lost interest, so here we go with more Clinton jokes (offensive to Bill Clinton and his fans, Arkansas, etc.):


Did you hear they changed Highway 69 in Arkansas to the Bill Clinton Highway?

That’s because it’s real slick, real crooked, doesn’t go anywhere, and it’s got a yellow stripe down the middle.


Clinton went to Arkansas for a visit. When he returned, he was asked if he got any strange stuff while there.

“Sure did,” he replied. Did you pay for it? he was asked.

“Why no,” he answered,”Them hookers don’t charge kin.”


Clinton and Dan Quayle had a spelling contest.

Clinton lost because he thought “harass” was two words.


Q: Why is Hillary against sending U.S. troops to Bosnia or Haiti?

A: She’s afraid Bill will run off to college again!


Q: Why did Clinton go to Russia?

A: He was homesick.

Similarities Between Nixon And Clinton

Thursday, June 23rd, 2011

Nixon:

If Clinton And Yeltsin Held Their Summits In A Private On-line

Thursday, June 23rd, 2011

PrezBubba

Clinton And The Beer Cans

Thursday, March 10th, 2011

Back when Bill Clinton and Hillary got married Bill told her,

“There’s one thing I want you to know. There’s a box under my bed, and I don’t want you to look in it until I die.”

Hillary agreed to this but, over the years, the curiosity got the better of her, and she finally looked in it.

She found three beer cans and 1.5 million dollars in cash.

When she asked Bill what the beer cans were for, he replied, “Well, those are for all the times I’ve cheated on you.”

Hillary said, “Well, that’s not bad after all these years, and you being a politician, and traveling and all.”

She was about to leave, but then she said, “Hey, Bill, what about the 1.5 million dollars?”

Bill replied, “That’s for all the times the box got full and I had to cash the cans in.”

Bill Clinton, A Limo Driver, And A Pig

Saturday, March 5th, 2011

One day, Bill Clinton decided to go for a ride in his limo. He was tired of the city, so he told his limo driver to take him to the country.

They drove around for hours, and it soon became late. The driver was geting rather tired and found it difficult to keep his eyes open.

Suddenly, the limo hit a huge bump and and the two men heard a terrible scream.

The limo driver stopped the car immediatly to see what had happened. Bill Clinton soon got out of the car also, to investigate.

“What happened?!” asked Bill.

“I ran over a pig,” replied his driver.

Bill Clinton looked horrified.

“Well go over to that farmhouse and tell them what you did. That pig could have been their’s.”

So the driver walked over to the farmhouse and knocked on the door.

Bill Clinton waited in the limo for nearly 2 and a half hours.

Finally, the limo driver came back and got back into the car. Bill Clinton, infuriated that his driver had left him alone for so long, demanded to know where he had been.

“Do you know how long you’ve been gone?! What happened up there?” he asked.

The limo driver, happily confused, replied, “Those people up there threw me a huge party.”

Bill Clinton, confused himself, asked, “What? Why?”

The limo driver started up his car and answered, “I told them I was driving Bill Clinton around, and I ran over the pig.”

Bill Clinton, Bill Gates, And Al Gore Crash

Sunday, February 27th, 2011

Bill Clinton, Bill Gates, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed.

Now they’re in heaven, and God is sitting on the great golden throne.

God addresses Al first. “Al, what do you believe in?”

Al replies, “Well, I believe that the internal combustion Engine is the root of all evil and that we need to save the world from CFCs and that if any more freon is used, the whole earth will become a greenhouse and we’ll all die.”

God thinks for a second and says, “Okay, I can live with that. Come and sit at my left.”

God then addresses Bill Clinton. “Bill, what do you believe in?”

Bill Clinton replies, “Well, I believe in power to the people. I think people should be able to make their own choices about things, and that no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do. I also believe in feeling people’s pain, but not inhaling.”

God thinks for a second and says, “Okay, that sounds good. Come and sit at my right.”

God then addresses Bill Gates. “Bill Gates, what do you believe in?”

Bill Gates said, “I believe you’re in my chair.”

Clinton Joke

Wednesday, July 7th, 2010

When Bill Clinton heard that the Big Easy was underwater, he thought he lost Monica.

Bill Clinton Top10…

Sunday, March 21st, 2010

From David Letterman and the Late Show…

Top Ten Signs Bill Clinton Doesn’t Give A Damn

10. Called Russia asking if they need a new spy

9. When people whisper, “Your fly is open,” he says, “Yeah, I know”

8. Shoplifts at will, gives finger to security camera

7. If you asked what he had for breakfast and he actually had waffles, he’ll say “pancakes” just for the fun of lying

6. He’s no longer just fat — he’s now Hugh Rodham fat

5. “Tubby” is selling a copy of the Declaration of Indepence on eBay

4. Doesn’t even bother to buy high-quality cigars anymore

3. Recently introduced Playboy playmate as “my lovely wife”

2. Refers to Chappaqua mansion as “the house that dirty pardon money built”

1. Sits in the back of Al Gore’s journalism class screaming, “Loser!”

Clinton In Oz!

Monday, December 14th, 2009

The last four U.S. Presidents are caught in a tornado in Kansas, and off they spin to the Land of OZ. After threatening trials and tribulations, they finally make it to the Emerald City and come before the Great Wizard.

“WHAT BRINGS YOU BEFORE THE GREAT WIZARD? WHAT DO YOU WANT?”

Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly:

“I had a terrible time with Iran, so I’ve come for some courage.”

“No problem” says the Wizard, “WHO IS NEXT?”

Ronald Reagan steps forward, “Well.., Well.., Well.., I need a brain.”

“Done” says the Wizard.

“Who comes next before the Great Wizard?”

Up steps George Bush sadly, “I’m told by the American people that I

need a heart.”

“I’ve heard it’s true” says the Wizard. “Consider it done.”

Then there is a great silence.

Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around, but doesn’t say a word.

Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, “WHAT BRINGS YOU TO THE EMERALD CITY!?”

And Willie replies – “Is Dorothy around?”

Clinton Q -n A’s!

Saturday, November 14th, 2009

Q: What’s the difference between Monica Lewinsky and the rest of us?

A: In order for us to get some dick in the White House, we had to go out and vote.

Q: How will history remember Bill Clinton?

A: The President after Bush.

Q: What’s the difference between Bill Clinton and his dog Buddy?

A: One tries to hump the leg of every woman in the White House, the other is a chocolate Lab.

Q: What does Clinton say to interns as they leave his office?

A: “Don’t hit your head on the desk.”

Q: Did you hear about the Bill Clinton sale at clothing stores on President’s day?

A: All pants half off.

Q: What do Monica Lewinsky and the Buffalo Bills have in common?

A: They both blew the big one several times.

Q: What was the first thing Monica saw in government?

A: The Executive Branch.

Q: What do Monica Lewinsky and soda pop machines have in common?

A: They both have slots which say “Insert Bill” here.”