Hopefully, all the humor-impaired and those who can’t understand warnings have lost interest, so here we go with more Clinton jokes (offensive to Bill Clinton and his fans, Arkansas, etc.):
Did you hear they changed Highway 69 in Arkansas to the Bill Clinton Highway?
That’s because it’s real slick, real crooked, doesn’t go anywhere, and it’s got a yellow stripe down the middle.
Clinton went to Arkansas for a visit. When he returned, he was asked if he got any strange stuff while there.
“Sure did,” he replied. Did you pay for it? he was asked.
“Why no,” he answered,”Them hookers don’t charge kin.”
Clinton and Dan Quayle had a spelling contest.
Clinton lost because he thought “harass” was two words.
Q: Why is Hillary against sending U.S. troops to Bosnia or Haiti?
A: She’s afraid Bill will run off to college again!
One day, Bill Clinton decided to go for a ride in his limo. He was tired of the city, so he told his limo driver to take him to the country.
They drove around for hours, and it soon became late. The driver was geting rather tired and found it difficult to keep his eyes open.
Suddenly, the limo hit a huge bump and and the two men heard a terrible scream.
The limo driver stopped the car immediatly to see what had happened. Bill Clinton soon got out of the car also, to investigate.
“What happened?!” asked Bill.
“I ran over a pig,” replied his driver.
Bill Clinton looked horrified.
“Well go over to that farmhouse and tell them what you did. That pig could have been their’s.”
So the driver walked over to the farmhouse and knocked on the door.
Bill Clinton waited in the limo for nearly 2 and a half hours.
Finally, the limo driver came back and got back into the car. Bill Clinton, infuriated that his driver had left him alone for so long, demanded to know where he had been.
“Do you know how long you’ve been gone?! What happened up there?” he asked.
The limo driver, happily confused, replied, “Those people up there threw me a huge party.”
Bill Clinton, confused himself, asked, “What? Why?”
The limo driver started up his car and answered, “I told them I was driving Bill Clinton around, and I ran over the pig.”
Bill Clinton, Bill Gates, and Al Gore were in an airplane that crashed.
Now they’re in heaven, and God is sitting on the great golden throne.
God addresses Al first. “Al, what do you believe in?”
Al replies, “Well, I believe that the internal combustion Engine is the root of all evil and that we need to save the world from CFCs and that if any more freon is used, the whole earth will become a greenhouse and we’ll all die.”
God thinks for a second and says, “Okay, I can live with that. Come and sit at my left.”
God then addresses Bill Clinton. “Bill, what do you believe in?”
Bill Clinton replies, “Well, I believe in power to the people. I think people should be able to make their own choices about things, and that no one should ever be able to tell someone else what to do. I also believe in feeling people’s pain, but not inhaling.”
God thinks for a second and says, “Okay, that sounds good. Come and sit at my right.”
God then addresses Bill Gates. “Bill Gates, what do you believe in?”
The last four U.S. Presidents are caught in a tornado in Kansas, and off they spin to the Land of OZ. After threatening trials and tribulations, they finally make it to the Emerald City and come before the Great Wizard.
“WHAT BRINGS YOU BEFORE THE GREAT WIZARD? WHAT DO YOU WANT?”
Jimmy Carter steps forward timidly:
“I had a terrible time with Iran, so I’ve come for some courage.”
“No problem” says the Wizard, “WHO IS NEXT?”
Ronald Reagan steps forward, “Well.., Well.., Well.., I need a brain.”
“Done” says the Wizard.
“Who comes next before the Great Wizard?”
Up steps George Bush sadly, “I’m told by the American people that I
need a heart.”
“I’ve heard it’s true” says the Wizard. “Consider it done.”
Then there is a great silence.
Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around, but doesn’t say a word.
Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, “WHAT BRINGS YOU TO THE EMERALD CITY!?”
