Q. What have working in Preston (a town in England) and a pubic hair on a toilet seat got in common?

A. You’re O.K for a while but then you get pissed off.

What do golf and Florida elections have in common? Low score wins.

Joke found on http://www.funny-jokes.net

10. It doesn’t snow in Hell.

9. Everyone has heard of Hell.

8. It’s more fun getting into Hell.

7. You can’t fail out of Hell.

6. At least you can sleep in Hell.

5. Hell is forever, college just seems like it.

4. People smile in Hell.

3. You only have to sell your soul to get into Hell.

2. You know there are hot men in Hell.

1. You wouldn’t tell a friend to go to college.

1. In high school, you do homework. In college, you study.

2. No food is allowed in the hall in high school.

In college, food must be provided at an event before students will come.

3. In high school, you wear your backpack on one shoulder; in college, on both.

4. In college, the professors can tell you the answer without looking at

the teacher’s guide.

5. In college, there are no tardy slips.

6. In high school, you have to live with your parents. In college, you

get to live with your friends.

7. In college, you don’t have to wait in a certain lunch line to be cool.

8. Only nerds e-mailed in high school. (Cool kids hadn’t heard of it.)

9. In high school, you’re told what classes to take. In college, you get to

choose; that is, as long as the classes don’t conflict and you have the

prerequisites and the classes aren’t closed and you’ve paid your tuition.

10. In high school, if you screw up you can usually sweet-talk your way

out of it. In college, you’re lucky to ever talk with the professor.

11. In high school, fire drills are planned by the administration; in

college, by the drunk frat boys on their way home when the bars close.

12. In college, any test consists of a larger percentage of your grade

than your high school final exams ever did.

13. In high school, when the teacher said, “Good morning,” you mumbled back.

In college, when the professor says, “Good morning,” you write it down.

14. In high school, freshman guys hit on senior girls. In college,

senior guys hit on freshman girls.

15. In college, weekends start on Thursday.

16. In college, it’s much more difficult to figure out the course schedule of

the man/woman you have a crush on, in order to figure out where he/she

will be walking around campus and at what time to find them there.

17. Once you’ve obtained the information described in #16, it’s much more time

-consuming to run between classes to that place where you know he/she will

be in order to “just happen to bump into him/her.”

18. In college, there’s no one to tell you not to eat pizza three meals a day.

19. In college, your dad doesn’t pay for dates.

20. In high school, it never took 3 or 4 weeks to get money from Mom and Dad.

21. College guys are cuter than high school boys.

22. College women are legal.

23. In college, when you miss a class (or two or three), you don’t need

a note from your parents saying you were skip….uh, sick that day.

24. In high school, you can’t go out to lunch because it’s not allowed.

In college, you can’t go out to lunch because you can’t afford it.

25. In college, you can blow off studying by writing lists like this.

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C.

The Russians used a pencil.

Q: What is the difference between a geologist and a chemist?

A: A chemist will drink anything that is distilled.

What’s the difference between a violin and a viola?

There is no difference. The violin just looks smaller because the violinist’s head is so much bigger.

Two Arabs boarded a shuttle out of Washington for New York. One sat in the window seat, the other in the middle seat.

Just before take-off a fat, little Jewish guy got on and took the aisle seat next to the Arabs. He kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, “I think I’ll go up and get a coke.”

(Shuttle flights do not have cabin attendants, but you probably knew that.)

“No problem,” said the Jew. “I’ll get it for you.”

While he was gone the Arab picked up the Jew’s shoe and spit in it.

The Jew brought back the coke, when the other Arab said, “That looks good. Think I’ll have one too.”

Again, the Jew obligingly goes to fetch it, and while he is gone the Arab picks up the other shoe and spits in it.

The Jew returns with the coke, and they all sit back and enjoy the short flight. When the plane was landing the Jew slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.

“How long must this go on?” he asked. “This enmity between our peoples … this hatred … this spitting in shoes and peeing in cokes!?!”

What is the difference between a man and a carp??

One is a scum sucking bottom feeder, and one is a fish!!