When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C.

The Russians used a pencil.

Q: What is the difference between a geologist and a chemist?

A: A chemist will drink anything that is distilled.

What’s the difference between a violin and a viola?

There is no difference. The violin just looks smaller because the violinist’s head is so much bigger.

Two Arabs boarded a shuttle out of Washington for New York. One sat in the window seat, the other in the middle seat.

Just before take-off a fat, little Jewish guy got on and took the aisle seat next to the Arabs. He kicked off his shoes, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, “I think I’ll go up and get a coke.”

(Shuttle flights do not have cabin attendants, but you probably knew that.)

“No problem,” said the Jew. “I’ll get it for you.”

While he was gone the Arab picked up the Jew’s shoe and spit in it.

The Jew brought back the coke, when the other Arab said, “That looks good. Think I’ll have one too.”

Again, the Jew obligingly goes to fetch it, and while he is gone the Arab picks up the other shoe and spits in it.

The Jew returns with the coke, and they all sit back and enjoy the short flight. When the plane was landing the Jew slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened.

“How long must this go on?” he asked. “This enmity between our peoples … this hatred … this spitting in shoes and peeing in cokes!?!”

What is the difference between a man and a carp??

One is a scum sucking bottom feeder, and one is a fish!!

Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?

A: A mental block.

What’s the difference between a woman in the bath tub and a nun?

The nun has a soul full of hope.

What’s the difference between a circus and a Las Vegas Dance Show?

The circus is an array of cunning stunts.

Holly Happidays

Women dream of world peace, a safe environment, and eliminating

hunger. What do men dream of?

Being stuck in an elevator with the Doublemint twins.

What is the difference between a man and childbirth?

One can be terribly painful and sometimes almost unbearable while

the other is just having a baby.

What’s the difference between a bar and a clitoris?

Most men have no trouble finding a bar.