In the distance, he sees his six year old son running to him. When the son arrives, he tells his father that a preacher has showed up unannounced. The father asks his son which local preacher it is. The son responds that he hasn’t seen him before.

The farmer tells his son that he has a little more work to do before he can head back to the house.

He tells his son to go back to the house and ask the preacher if he is a Methodist. If he says yes, then go hide the fried chicken that his mom is making.

If the preacher says he is a Protestant, then the son is to go hide his moonshine.

If the preacher says that he is a Baptist, the son is to sit on his mother’s lap until he gets there!

The state trooper smells alcohol on the minister’s breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, “Sir, have you been drinking?”

“Just water,” says the minister.

The trooper says, “Then why do I smell wine?”

The minister looks at the bottle and says, “Good Lord! He’s done it again!”

“Have you any last requests?” asked the Chaplain.

“Yes,” replied the murderer. “Will you hold my hand?”

1. Hey! It’s my turn to sit in the front pew.
2. I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25 minutes over time.
3. Personally I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf.
4. I’ve decided to give our church the $500 a month I used to send to TV evangelists.
5. I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the Junior High Sunday School class.
6. Forget the denominational minimum salary, let’s pay our pastor so he can live like we do.
7. I love it when we sing hymns I’ve never heard before!
8. Since we’re all here, let’s start the service early.
9. Pastor, we’d like to send you to this Bible seminar in the Bahamas.
10. Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment like our annual stewardship campaign!

• The prosecutor sees your lawyer in the hall, and they high-five each other.
• During your initial consultation he tries to sell you Amway.
• He tells you that his last good case was a “Budweiser.”
• He picks the jury by playing “duck-duck-goose.”
• During the trial you catch him playing his Gameboy.
• Every couple of minutes he yells, “I call Jack Daniels to the stand!” and proceeds to drink a shot.
• He frequently gives juror No. 4 the finger.
• Just before he says “Your Honor,” he makes those little quotation marks in the air with his fingers.
• Whenever his objection is overruled, he tells the judge, “Whatever.”
• He giggles every time he hears the word “briefs.”
• He keeps citing the legal case of Godzilla v. Mothra.
• He begins closing arguments with, “As Ally McBeal once said…”

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Well, in the swamp they meet and after a little thought he asks: “Frog, will you marry me?” – “No”

The man goes behind a small tree and checks it out – wow! 10 cm shorter!

Well, surely enough he goes again and asks: “Frog, will you marry me?” – “No!”

He goes behind the tree again and looks: only 30 cm long! 20 cm would be just right…

Again, he asks: “Frog, will you marry me?” – “How many times do I have to say – NO!, NO! and once more NO!!!”

The farmer figuring that a city girl would never be able to agreed.

The red head guesses the number and is 100% correct. I mean not off by one sheep.

The farmer is an honest man and tells her that she did guess the right number.

She gets out of her car, selects her animal and puts it in the car. Just before she drives away, the farmer asked her a question. “If I can tell you the real color of your hair can I have my dog back?”

Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line, and into a comfortable chair by his desk.

The lawyer said, “I don’t mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?”

St. Peter replied, “Well, I’ve added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation you must be about 196 years old!”

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, “Look mate, don’t ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!”

The passenger apologized and said, “I didn’t realize that a little tap would scare you so much.”

The driver replied, “Sorry, it’s not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver – I’ve been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years.”

The computer hums away for an hour and then comes up with the answer:

YES.

The generals look at each other, somewhat stupefied. Finally one of them submits a second request to the computer:

YES WHAT?

Instantly the computer responded:

YES SIR.

Joke found on http://www.huumor.com