Saddam’s wife is upset at her husband’s funeral. “You have him in a brown suit and I wanted him in a blue suit.”

The mortician says “We’ll take care of it, ma’am”, then turns and yells into the back room, “Hey Ammar, switch the heads on two and four!”

A student of proctology is in the morgue one day after classes, wanting to get a little practice in before the final exams. He goes over to a table where a body is lying face down. He uncovers the sheet over the body, and to his surprise he finds a cork in the corpse’s rectum.
Figuring that this is fairly unusual, he pulls the cork out, and to his surprise, music begins playing, “On the road again…just can’t wait to get on the road again…”

The student is amazed, and places the cork back in the backside. The music stops. Totally freaked out, the student calls the Medical Examiner over to the corpse. “Look at this, this is really something,” the student tells the examiner as he pulls the cork back out again. “On the road again…just can’t wait to get on the road again…”

“So what?” the Medical Examiner replies, obviously unimpressed with the student’s discovery.

“But isn’t that the most amazing thing you’ve ever seen?” asked the student.

“Are you kidding?” replied the Examiner, “Any asshole can sing country music!”

Students at a Medical School were receiving their first anatomy class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.
Then the Professor started the class by telling them, “In medicine, it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor. The first is that it is necessary that you don’t get disgusted.”

The Professor uncovered the sheet, sunk his finger in the butt of the dead body, withdrew it, and then stuck his finger in his mouth and sucked it.

“Go ahead and do the same thing”, he told his students.
The students freaked out, hesitated and subsequently taking turns, sunk their finger in the butt of the dead body and sucked it after withdrawing it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, “The second important quality is observation. I inserted the middle finger and sucked the index. Pay attention people.”

After a long night of intimacy, a young guy rolled over and was looking around when he noticed a framed picture of another man. The guy began to worry. “Is this your husband?”

“No, silly,” she replied, snuggling up to him.

“Your boyfriend then?” he asked.

“No, not at all,” she said, nibbling away at his ear.

“Well, who is he then?” asked the bewildered guy.

The girl replied, “That’s me before the surgery.”

This guy has lived up in the mountains for a long time. He hikes down to this bar and goes in and says, “Bartender, I have to get laid.”

The bartender says, “Well, all we have is Bob in the back.”

The guy says, “No way man! I don’t go for that gay stuff,” and hikes back up the mountain.

About a year later, he hikes down to the bar again and says, “Bartender, I have got to get laid!”

The bartender says, “Well, like I told you before, all we have is Bob in the back.”

The guy again tells the bartended that he isn’t gay. However, as he has a couple of beers, he starts thinking about how long it’s been since he was with a woman, and finally asks the bartender, “Listen, if I do this, who’s going to know about it? I mean, I don’t want people to think I’m gay.”

The bartender says, “The only ones who will know about it are you, me, and the two guys holding down Bob, because he ain’t gay either.”

What do Kurt Cobain and Michelangelo have in common?

They both used their brains to paint the ceiling.

One day a medical professor and his class were standing over a corpse and the professor said, ”There are two things to being a medical forensicist. First: Don’t fear anything.” After saying that, the professor shoved his middle finger up the corpse’s anus and licked it. He then told the class to do the same. After hesitating, they all did it.
”Next,” the professor said, ”you have to have a key observation finger. Thus, I licked my index finger.”

Three old men were sitting on a porch."I wish I could take a healthy piss," said one."I wish I could take a healthy crap," said another."I can take a crap at 6 AM and a piss at 11 AM. I just wish I could get up before noon."

Q: What is worse than ten dead people in one trashcan? A: One dead person in ten trashcans!

What is 40 feet long and smells like urine?

Line dancing at the nursing home.