Search
Sponsored Links

Archive for the ‘Stupid Jokes’ Category


Old Lady Makes Her Fortune

Wednesday, July 21st, 2010

A little old lady went into the Bank of America one day carrying a bag of money. She insists that she must speak with the President of the bank to open a savings account because it’s a lot of money.

They finally get her into the presidents office and he asks her how much she would like to deposit. She says she has $165,000 and then dumps it out of the bag onto his desk. The president was surprised and of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asks her. The old lady says, “I make bets.”

The president replies, “Bets? What kind of bets?” and she says, “For example, I’ll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square.”

“Ha!” says the president, “That’s a stupid bet, you can never win that kind of bet.”

The old lady says, “So, would you like to take my bet?”

“Sure,” says the president, “I’ll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!”

The little old lady says, “OK, but since there is a lot of money involved is it OK with you if I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 9:00 AM to witness?”

“Sure,” says the president.

That night the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again, thoroughly checking them out until he was sure that there is no way his balls are square and that he will win the bet.

The next morning at 9 AM the little old lady appears with her lawyer at the president’s office. She introduces the lawyer to the president and repeats the bet, that $25,000 says the president’s balls are square. The president agrees with the bet again and the old lady asks him to drop his pants so they can see. The president does this.

The little old lady looks closely at his balls and then asks if she can feel them.

“Well, OK” says the president, $25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure.”

Then he notices that the lawyer is quietly banging his head against the wall and he asks the old lady, “What is wrong with your lawyer?”

She replies, “Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that by noon today I’d have The Bank of America’s president’s balls in my hands!”

The Sequel To Brokeback Mountain

Monday, July 19th, 2010

Have you heard that a sequel to Brokeback Mountain is already in the works?

Their calling it Butte Crack Creek.

(Gotta love them Brokeback Mountain jokes, huh?)

Question And Answer Joke

Wednesday, July 14th, 2010

What’s rude, black, thick and floats on water?

Crude oil

Burger King

Monday, July 5th, 2010

How did the Burger King worker get a girl pregnant?

He forgot to wrap his Whopper!

Snowman And Vampire

Saturday, July 3rd, 2010

Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

A: Frost bite

Three Men Lost In The Forest

Monday, February 12th, 2007

There were three men who were lost in the forest. They were then captured by cannibals. The cannibal king then told the prisoners that they could live if they pass the trial. First step of the trial is to go to the forest with the cannibals and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits.

The first one came back and said to the king, “I brought ten apples.” The king then explains the trial to him. You have to shove the fruits up your ass without any expression on your face or you’ll be eaten. The first apple went in…. but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed and went to heaven.

The second one arrives and shows the king his ten fruits were berries. When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1… 2… 3… 4… 5… 6… 7… 8… on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter, therefore also was killed.

The first guy and the second guy met in heaven. The first one asked, “Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?”

The second one replied, “I know, but I couldn’t help it. I was doing just great when all of a sudden that third guy showed up with all those watermelons!!!”

Found on Falling Dreams blog

Where Do I Hide?

Monday, January 30th, 2006

The police are looking for a certain suspect who’s sexy, funny, has a nice personality, and cool. Yo’ ass is safe but where do I hide?

Your Mom A

Friday, March 5th, 2004

your mom its so hairy her legs got bangs

Teletubbies

Friday, March 5th, 2004

What do you call a teletubbie thats just been robbed?

A tubbi cos its telles been nicked

Dumb Blonde

Tuesday, March 2nd, 2004

there was a brunette and a blond they walked into a bar. the 5:00 O clock news was on . the news said that a man was going to commite suicide. the brunette said i bet $50 that the man is going to jump. the blonde says ok!. they find out that the man did jump so when the brunette was going to collect the money she said that she couldnt take it because she saw the 3:00 news and she saw that he was going to junp. the blonde said so did i but i didnt think he would do it again.