- If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I’d Blow It All On You
- Do You Love As Good As You Look?
- Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth ‘Cause I’m Kissing You Goodbye
- Her Teeth Were Stained, But Her Heart Was Pure
- Here’s A Quarter, Call Someone Who Cares
- How Can I Miss You If You Won’t Go Away?
- I Changed Her Oil, She Changed My Life
- I Don’t Know Whether To Kill Myself Or Go Bowling
- I Fell In A Pile Of You And Got Love All Over Me
- I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart.
- I Keep Forgettin’ I Forgot About You
- I Wanna Whip Your Cow
- I Would Have Wrote You A Letter, But I Couldn’t Spell Yuck!
- I Wouldn’t Take Her To A Dawg Fight,(even if she had a chance to win)
- I’d Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me Than A Frontal Lobotomy
- I’m Just A Bug On The Windshield Of Life
- I’ve Been Flushed From The Bathroom Of Your Heart
- I’ve Got The Hungries For Your Love And I’m Waiting In Your Welfare Line
- If I Can’t Be Number One In Your Life, Then Number Two On You
- If Love Were Oil, I’d Be A Quart Low
- If The Phone Don’t Ring, Baby, You’ll Know It’s Me
- If You Don’t Leave Me Alone, I’ll Go And Find Someone who will
- If You Leave Me, Can I Come Too?
- Mama Get The Hammer (There’s A Fly On Papa’s Head)
- May The Bird Of Paradise Fly Up Your Nose
- My Every Day Silver Is Plastic
- My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don’t Love Jesus
- My John Deere Was Breaking Your Field, While Your Dear John Was Breaking My Heart
- My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him
- Oh, I’ve Got Hair Oil On My Ears And My Glasses Are Slipping Down, But Baby I Can See Through You
- Pardon Me, I’ve Got Someone To Kill
- She Got The Gold Mine And I Got The Shaft;
- She Got The Ring And I Got The Finger
- She Made Toothpicks Out Of The Timber Of My Heart
- She’s Got Freckles On Her, But She’s Pretty
- Thank God And Greyhound She’s Gone
- They May Put Me In Prison, But They Can’t Stop My Face From Breakin’ Out
- Velcro Arms, Teflon Heart
- When You Leave Walk Out Backwards, So I’ll Think You’re Walking In
- You Can’t Have Your Kate And Edith Too
- You Can’t Roller Skate In A Buffalo Herd
- You Done Tore Out My Heart And Stomped That Sucker Flat
- You’re The Reason Our Kids Are So Ugly

What’s the difference between a violin and a viola?

There is no difference. The violin just looks smaller because the violinist’s head is so much bigger.

Q: What do you say to the banjo player in the three piece suit?
A: Will the defendant please rise.

Q: What did the drummer get on his I.Q. test?
A: Drool.

Q: What is the difference between hearing an English horn solo and being tortured?
A: One is far more painful to your ears.

Q: What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A: A drummer.

A note left for a pianist from his wifeGone Chopin, (have Liszt), Bach in a Minuet.

Q: What is the definition of a Soviet String Quartet?
A: A Soviet Symphony Orchestra after a tour of the USA!

Q: What is the difference between a dog and a viola?
A: The dog knows when to stop scratching.

Q: How many musicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Twenty. 1 to do it and the other 19 to stand around and say, “I can do that!”