Nurse: Doctor, there is an invisible man in your waiting room.

Doctor: Tell him I can’t see him now. Next.

Prisoner: Look here, doctor! You’ve already removed my spleen, tonsils, adenoids, and one of my kidneys. I only came to see if you could get me out of this place!

Doctor: I am, bit by bit.

Doctor: Did you know that there are more than 1,000 bones in the human body?

Larry: Shhh, doctor! There are three dogs outside in the waiting room!

Trish: My stomach is getting awfully big, doctor.

Doctor: You should diet.

Trish: Really? What color?

A patient came to his dentist with problems with his teeth.

Patient: Doctor, I have yellow teeth, what do I do?

Dentist: Wear a brown tie!

A new arrival, about to enter hospital, saw two white coated doctors searching through the flower beds.

“Excuse me,” he said, “have you lost something?”

“No,” replied one of the doctors. “We’re doing a heart transplant for an income-tax inspector and want to find a suitable stone.”

Patient: I’m in a hospital! Why am I in here?

Doctor: You’ve had an accident involving a bus.

Patient: What happened?

Doctor: Well, I’ve got some good news and some bad news. Which would you like to hear first?

Patient: Give me the bad news first.

Doctor: Your legs were injured so badly that we had to amputate both of them.

Patient: That’s terrible! What’s the good news?

Doctor: There’s a guy in the next ward who made a very good offer on your slippers.

Patient: Doctor, if I give up wine, women, and song, will I live longer?

Doctor: Not really. It will just seem longer.

Patient: Doctor, should I file my nails?

Doctor: No! Throw them away like everybody else.

I am always getting those return address labels from charities wanting money.

The other day, I got one from an Alzheimer’s group. Funny though, they forgot to put my street name on them!