Q: Why did the mathemetician join a buddhist cult?
A: Because he had a transcendental experience

Q: Why couldn’t the negative pair square things away?
A: Because they had complex issues!

Q: Why did the number get mad at his wife?
A: Because she was being irrational.

A promising PhD candidate was presenting his thesis at his final
examination. He proceeded with a derivation and ended up with
something like:

F = -MA

He was embarrassed, his supervising professor was embarrassed, and the
rest of the committee was embarrassed. The student coughed nervously
and said “I seem to have made a slight error back there somewhere.”

One of the mathematicians on the committee replied dryly, “Either that
or an odd number of them!”

Underwater ship builders are concerned with sub-optimization.

A new government 10 year survey cost $3,000,000,000 revealed that 3/4 of the people in America make up 75% of the population.

Student: Yes sir, but what happens if the number of sheep is not x?

A shoeseller meets a mathematician and complains that he does not know what size shoes to buy. “No problem,” says the mathematician, “there is a simple equation for that,” and he shows him the Gaussian normal distribution. The shoeseller stares some time at het equation and asks, “What is that symbol?” “That is the Greek letter pi.” “What is pi?” “That is the ratio between the circumference and the diameter of a circle.” Upon this the shoeseller cries out: “What does a circle have to do with shoes?!”

There is no truth to the allegation that statisticians are mean. They are just your standard normal deviates.

1. Ten percent of all car thieves are left-handed
2. All polar bears are left-handed
3. If your car is stolen, there’s a 10 percent chance it was taken by a Polar bear

1. 39 percent of unemployed men wear spectacles
2. 80 percent of employed men wear spectacles
3. Work stuffs up your eyesight

1. All dogs are animals
2. All cats are animals
3. Therefore, all dogs are cats

1. A total of 4000 cans are opened around the world every second
2. Ten babies are conceived around the world every second
3. Each time you open a can, you stand a 1 in 400 chance of becoming pregnant