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Archive for the ‘In The News Jokes’ Category


Teen-age Girls Often Have Babies

Sunday, October 10th, 2004

Teen-age girls often have babies fathered by men: The Sunday Oregonian, September 24

Low Wages Said Key to Poverty: Newsday, July 11

Man shoots neighbor with machete: The Miami Herald, July 3

Tomatoes come in big, little, medium sizes: The Daily Progress, Charlottesville, Virginia, March 30

Real newspaper headlinesThese are actual newspaper headlines gathered from papers across the United States and world.

Dirty-Air Cities Far Deadlier Than Clean Ones, Study Shows: The New York Times, March 10

Man Run Over by Freight Train Dies: The Los Angeles Times, March 2

Scientists see quakes in L.A. future: The Oregonian, January 28

Wachtler tells graduates that life in jail is demeaning: The Buffalo News, February 26

Free Advice: Bundle up when out in the cold: Lexington Herald-Leader, January 26

Juvenile Court To Try Shooting

Sunday, October 10th, 2004

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

Stolen Painting Found by Tree

Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies

Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter

Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years

Henshaw Offers Rare Opportunity To

Sunday, October 10th, 2004

Henshaw Offers Rare Opportunity to Goose Hunters

Women’s Movement Called More Broad-Based

Antique Stripper to Display Wares at Store

Prostitutes Appeal to Pope

Teacher Strikes Idle Kids

Hospitals Are Sued By 7

Saturday, October 9th, 2004

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors

Include your Children when Baking Cookies

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted

These Are Actual Newspaper Headlines

Saturday, October 9th, 2004

These are actual newspaper headlines gathered from papers across the country.

Stud Tires Out

Prostitutes Appeal to Pope

Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over

Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again

March Planned For Next Augustblind

Saturday, October 9th, 2004

March Planned For Next August

Blind Bishop Appointed To See

Lingerie Shipment Hijacked–Thief Gives Police The Slip

L.A. Voters Approve Urban Renewal By Landslide

Patient At Death’s Door–Doctors Pull Him Through

Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect

Saturday, October 9th, 2004

Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge

Dear Kill 17,000

Some Pieces of Rock Hudson Sold at Auction

Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds

Saturday, October 9th, 2004

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks Chef

Saturday, October 9th, 2004

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks

Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy

Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire

British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply

Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood

Prosecution Paints O.j. As A

Saturday, October 9th, 2004

Prosecution paints O.J. as a wife-killer: Fort Lauderdale Sun-Sentinel, January 25

Economist uses theory to explain economy: Collinsville Herald-Journal, February 8

Bible church’s focus is the Bible: Saint Augustine Record, Florida, December 3, 1994

Clinton pledges restraint in use of nuclear weapons: Cedar Rapids Gazette, April 6

Discoveries: Older blacks have edge in longevity: The Chicago Tribune, March 5