Daily Jokes to Beat the Boredom » Idiots Jokes

Boating Issues

admin — Thu, 12 Aug 2010 11:00:04 +0000

It was a the end of the day for the boaters on a small lake. One boat had not returned. The dock master could see the boat on the water. He calls out “Boat number 91, it’s time to return to the dock!”

His boss hears him call out to boat 91. The boss says to the dock master, “We don’t have a boat number 91.”

At that, the dock master pauses, then turns to the boat on the water and calls out, “Boat number 16, do you have a problem?”

The Incredibly Dumbat&t

admin — Tue, 07 Dec 2004 06:58:45 +0000

The incredibly dumb

AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership”. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it’s not Walter who’s lacking intelligence.

Advice For Idiotsan

admin — Tue, 07 Dec 2004 05:58:45 +0000

ADVICE FOR IDIOTS

An actual tip from page 16 of the Hewlett Packard Environmental, Health & Safety Handbook for Employees: “Blink your eyelids periodically to lubricate your eyes.”

A Man Walked

admin — Tue, 07 Dec 2004 04:58:45 +0000

A man walked in to a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Shop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

Fortean Times Reports

admin — Tue, 07 Dec 2004 03:58:45 +0000

Fortean Times reports that a British supermarket worker’s underwear spontaneously combusted. Luckily it was edible underwear, so the clerk ended up with cherries jubilee.

It Is Once

admin — Tue, 07 Dec 2004 02:58:45 +0000

It is once again time to vote for-the Darwin Award nominees for 1997. As you may already know, the Darwin Awards are for those nominees who will not be contributing to the gene pool (thankfully).

NOMINEE No.10 [Associated Press, Kincaid] Blasting Cap Explodes in Man’s Mouth at Party. A man at a party popped a blasting cap into his mouth and bit down, triggering an explosion that blew off his lips, teeth, and tougue state police said Wednesday. Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit the blasting cap as a prank during a party late Tuesday night, said Cpl. M.D.Payne. Another man had it in an aquarium hooked to a battery, and was trying to explode it,” Payne said. “It wouldn’t go off and this guy said, ‘I’II show you how to set it off.”

In Medford, Oregon,

admin — Tue, 07 Dec 2004 01:58:45 +0000

In Medford, Oregon, a 27-year-old jobless man with an MBA blamed his college degree for his murder of three people. “There are too many business grads out there,” he said. “If I had chosen another field, all this may not have happened.”

It Is Once

admin — Tue, 07 Dec 2004 00:58:45 +0000

It is once again time to vote for-the Darwin Award nominees for 1997. As you may already know, the Darwin Awards are for those nominees who will not be contributing to the gene pool (thankfully).

NOMINEE No.3 [Hickory Daily Record] Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton, N.C., when, awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson. 38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear.

You Mean Me?a

admin — Mon, 06 Dec 2004 23:58:45 +0000

YOU MEAN ME?

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, “Nobody move!” When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.

The Boys Of

admin — Mon, 06 Dec 2004 22:58:45 +0000

THE BOYS OF SUMMER

A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. Big deal you may say, but there’s a twist here that makes him a candidate. It seems he and a friend were playing catch with a rattlesnake. The friend (a future Darwin Awards candidate himself) was hospitalized.