Daily Jokes to Beat the Boredom » Funny Signs Jokes

Sign On Music Teachers’ Door:

admin — Sat, 09 Oct 2004 04:59:00 +0000

Sign on music teachers’ door: “Out Chopin.”

Sign at the electic company: “We would be delighted if you send in your bill. However, if you don’t, you will be.”

Sign on a garbage truck: “We’ve got what it takes to take what you’ve got.”

Sign at a computer store: “Out for a quick byte.”

At A Number Of Military

admin — Sat, 09 Oct 2004 03:59:00 +0000

At a number of military bases: “Restricted to unauthorized personnel.”

On a display of “I love you only” Valentine cards: “Now available in multi-packs.”

In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: “Don’t kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work.”

In a funeral parlor: “Ask about our layaway plan.”

In a clothing store: “Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks.”

Sign In A Rhodes Tailor

admin — Sat, 09 Oct 2004 02:59:00 +0000

Sign in a Rhodes tailor shop: “Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation.”

Sign from the Soviet Weekly: “There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Aets by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.”

Sign in an East African newspaper: “A new swimming pool is rapidly taking shape since the contractors have thrown in the bulk of their workers.”

Here Is A Great Sign

admin — Sat, 09 Oct 2004 01:59:00 +0000

Here is a great sign I saw in the grocery store: “Snickers, 5 for 1.00$.(limit 4)”

On a dock in Juneau, Alaska: “Safety ladder, climb at own risk.”

Seen on an electrical appliance store in Spokane, WA “Go modern! Go gas! Go BOOM!”

Emergency Evacuation Plan posted in various places around my office building: “Run like Anything!”

Biggs Septic Tank Service (near Nashville Tennessee) “Call Monday thru Friday, sorry, we haul milk on weekends.”

Sign On A Scientist’s Door:

admin — Sat, 09 Oct 2004 00:59:00 +0000

Sign on a scientist’s door: “Gone fission.”

Sign on used car lot: “Second hand cars in first crash condition.”

Sign Outside A New Town

admin — Fri, 08 Oct 2004 23:59:00 +0000

Sign outside a new town hall which was to be opened by the Prince of Wales: THE TOWN HALL IS CLOSED UNTIL OPENING. IT WILL REMAIN CLOSED AFTER BEING OPENED. OPEN TOMORROW.

Seen at the side of a Sussex road: SLOW CATTLE CROSSING. NO OVERTAKING FOR THE NEXT 100 YRS.

Outside a disco: SMARTS IS THE MOST EXCLUSIVE DISCO IN TOWN. EVERYONE WELCOME

Sign warning of quicksand: QUICKSAND. ANY PERSON PASSING THIS POINT WILL BE DROWNED. BY ORDER OF THE DISTRICT COUNCIL.

Notice sent to residents of a Whiltshire parish: DUE TO INCREASING PROBLEMS WITH LETTER LOUTS AND VANDALS WE MUST ASK ANYONE WITH RELATIVES BURIED IN THE GRAVEYARD TO DO THEIR BEST TO KEEP THEM IN ORDER

In The Vestry Of A

admin — Fri, 08 Oct 2004 22:59:00 +0000

In the vestry of a New England church: “Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished.”

In a Pennsylvania cemetery: “Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.”

On a roller coaster: “Watch your head.”

On the grounds of a public school: “No trespassing without permission.”

On a Tennessee highway: “When this sign is under water, this road is impassable.”

Sign In A Japanese Hotel:

admin — Fri, 08 Oct 2004 20:59:00 +0000

Sign in a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: “You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

Sign at fast-food place: “PARKING FOR DRIVE-THRU CUSTOMERS ONLY!”

Sign outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: “Ladies may have a fit upstairs.”

In Restaurant: “open Seven Days

admin — Fri, 08 Oct 2004 19:59:00 +0000

In restaurant: “Open seven days a week and weekends.”

On the freeway in Boston during a MAJOR transformation of the streets and bridges, etc: “Rome wasn’t built in a day. If it was we would have hired their contractor.”

A sign in front of an advertising agency in south superhighway, Philippines: “A BUSINESS WITH NO SIGN IS A SIGN OF NO BUSINESS”

A sign in front of a Macadamia Nut Factory in Hawaii: “Caution: Nuts crossing road.”

On a ski lift in Taos, NM: ‘No jumping from the lift. Survivors will be prosecuted.’

Sign In A Restaurant Window:

admin — Fri, 08 Oct 2004 18:59:00 +0000

A hardware store in Oregon has a sign that reads: “Today’s special. Below it says: So’s tomorrow.”

Sign on restaurant window: “Great food (50,000 flies can’t be wrong).”

Billboard facing the road in front of a funeral home: “Drive carefully. We’ll wait.”