A young boy was looking through the family album and asked his mother, “Who’s that guy on the beach with you, with all the muscles and curly hair?”

“That’s your father,” she says.

The kid looks at her funny and asks her, “Then who’s that old bald headed fat man who lives with us now?”

why did the silly boy stand on his head?

because his feet where tired.

What are the two main ingredients in Viagra?

Fix-A-Flat and Miracle Grow.

there was a guy that went to alaska and asked the man at the border how to be a respected citizen and he said “first you must drink a bottle of wiskey without moving an eyelash, then kill a polar bear, and last you must make love to an alaskan women” and the man said “i’ll drink the wiskey first” and did without moving an eyelash. then asked the man where to find the polar bear and the man said “on the outside of town.” so he toke of and about an hour later came back all scratched bloody and his hair all matted and said “wow, that was tough!now where do i kill the alaskan lady?!”

You’re so poor you can’t afford a boner.

What is the difference between a porkipine and a brand new BMW?

Porcupines have the pricks on the outside!!!

Three guys are riding horses.

1 Minnesota man, 1 Iowa man, and 1 Texas man.

Along the way the guy from texas takes out a bottle of wine, takes 1 sip throws it in the air, draws his pistol and shoots it.

The Iowa horseman asked, “Whatchya doin’ that fer, thaz good stuff!?!”

The Texan replies, “Well we got plenty of that where I come from.”

Later on the Iowa horseman takes out a bottle of whiskey, takes 1 sip, throws it in the air, draws his pistol and shoots it.

And the Minnesotan asked, “Why the hell’d you do that?!?! That’s reeeeaaaalll good stuff!”

And the Iowa guy replies, “Oh we got plenty of that where I come from.”

So the Minnesotan takes out a can of beer, slams it, shoots the guy from Iowa, and the Texan asked, “Why in the name of the holy father did you do that!?!?!”

The minnesotan replied, “We got plenty of them where i come from!”

(This won’t be as funny if you’re not from the great state of Minnesota.”

What did the Pacific ocean so to the Atlantic ocean?

They didn’t say anything… they just waved.

jokes

Did you hear about the girl who didn’t wear underwear in the winter?

She got chapped lips!

Why Did Snoop Dogg Carry an Umbrella????

Fo Drizzal