What did Michael Jackson say to the priest when he saw a five year old boy?

Hands off! I saw him first…

Why do R. Kelly’s parties always end at 6 in the morning?

Because he has to get all the girls to school by 7:00.

Michael Jordan made over $300,000 a game. That equals $10,000 a minute, at an average of 30 minutes per game. With $40 million in endorsements, he made $178,100 a day, working or not. If he sleeps 7 hours a night, he makes $52,000 every night while visions of sugarplums dance in his head. If he goes to see a movie, it’ll cost him $7.00, but he’ll make $18,550 while he’s there. If he decides to have a 5 minute egg, he’ll make $618 while boiling it. He makes $7,415/hr more than minimum wage. He’ll make $3,710 while watching each episode of Friends. If he wanted to save up for a new Acura NSX ($90,000) it would take him a whole 12 hours. If someone were to hand him his salary and endorsement money, they would have to do it at the rate of $2.00 every second. He’ll probably pay around $200 for a nice round of golf, but will be reimbursed $33,390 for that round. Assuming he puts the federal maximum of 15% of his income into a tax deferred account (401k), he will hit the federal cap of $9500 at 8:30 a.m. on January 1st. If you were given a penny for every 10 dollars he made, you ‘d be living comfortably at $65,000 a year. He’ll make about $19.60 while watching the 100 meter dash in the Olympics. He’ll make about $15,600 during the Boston Marathon. While the common person is spending about $20 for a meal in his trendy Chicago restaurant, he’ll pull in about $5600. In his last year, he made more than twice as much as all U.S. past presidents for all of their terms combined. Amazing isn’t it? Keep reading!BUT…If Jordan saves 100% of his income for the next 250 years, he’ll still have less than Bill Gates has today. Game over. Nerd wins.

Kermit’s fingers

A young boy asks his Priest if God is a man or a woman. The Priest decides to tease the boy and answers that God is both. The boy then asks if God is black or white. Again the answer is both. Next question, is God gay or straight. Once more the answer is both. The boy then asks, “Father, is Michael Jackson God?”

One day, a little boy went to his father ‘daddy, is God male or female?’ and his father answered ‘Well son, God is both male and female.’Then the boy asked ‘Daddy, is God black or white?’ and his father answered ‘well son, God is both black and white.’Then the boy asked ‘Daddy, is God gay or straight?’ and his father said ‘well son, God is both gay and straight.’The boy was quiet for a while and seemed to be thinking. Finally he broke the silence by saying ‘Daddy, is God Michael Jackson?’

A little kid asks his father, “Daddy, is God a man or a woman?”
“Both son. God is both.” After a while the kid comes again and asks, “Daddy, is God black or white?” “Both son, both.” The child returns a few minutes later and says, “Daddy, is Michael Jackson God?”

Michael Jackson and his wife are in the recovery room with their new baby son. The doctor walks in and Michael asks:

“Doctor, how long before we can have sex?”

The doctor replies, “I’d wait until he’s at least 14.”

a frog goes into a bank and and wants to get a loan the bank teller says,”whats your name?” “Kermit jagger” the frog says.
“like mick jagger? she says. yeah hes my dad. well what do you have to give us for security? i have this the frog says and pulls out a pink porceline pig the teller says hold on ill go check this with my boss, so she asks her
boss, whats this? he says well i think its a Knick Knack paddywack give a frog a loan his old mans a rolling stone.

Kermit’s undivided attention