The plane is on its way to Houston , when a blonde in economy class gets up

and moves to the first class section and sits down.

The flight attendant watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She

then tells the blonde that she paid for economy class and that she will

have to sit back in her seat.

The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Houston , and

I’m staying right here.”

The flight attendant goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and the

co-pilot that there is a blonde sitting in first class who belongs in

economy and won’t move back to her seat.

The co-pilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she

only paid for economy, she will have to leave and return to her seat.

The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Houston , and

I’m staying right here.”

The co-pilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police

waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman who won’t listen to reason.

The pilot says, “You say she’s a blonde? I’ll handle this. I’m married to a blonde. I speak blonde.”

He goes back to the blonde and whispers in her ear, and she says, “Oh, I’m

sorry.” And she gets up and goes back to her seat in economy.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to

make her move without any fuss.

He replies, “I told her, `First class isn’t going to Houston .’”

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.

Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.

The boyfriend yells, “No, honey, don’t do it.”

The blonde replies, “Shut up, you’re next!”

Bill Clinton, George Bush, a spectacular looking blonde woman and an enormously large woman with an unfriendly scowl are in a train car. The train passes through a tunnel, and in the darkness the unmistakable sound of a slap is heard. As the train pulls out of the tunnel, the daylight reveals a big red slap mark on Clinton’s cheek.

The blond thinks: “That rascal Clinton wanted to touch me and by mistake, he must have put his hand on the fat lady, who must have slapped his face”

The fat lady thinks: “That dirty old Bill Clinton touched the blonde and she smacked him.”

Bill Clinton thinks: “George put his hand on that blonde and by mistake she slapped me.”

George Bush thinks: “I hope there’s another tunnel soon so I can smack Clinton again.”

Why do men prefer blondes?

Men always like intellectual company.

Why are dumb blonde jokes only one liners?

So men can understand them!

1. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes? Both of them.

2. Why did the man cross the road?

He heard the chicken was a slut.

3. Why don’t women blink during foreplay?

They don’t have time.

4. Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?

They don’t stop and ask for directions.

5. How does a man show that he is planning for the future?

He buys two cases of beer.

6. What is the difference between men and government bonds?

The bonds mature.

7. Why are blonde jokes so short?

So men can remember them.

8. Why are married women heavier than single women?

Single women come home, see what’s in the fridge and go to bed.

Married women come home, see what’s in bed and go to the fridge.

9. Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?

They all already have boyfriends.

10. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?

A widow.

One day a man, who had been stranded on a desert island for over ten years sees an unusual speck on the horizon.

“It’s certainly not a ship”, he thinks to himself.

As the speck gets closer and closer he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft.

Suddenly, emerging from the surf, comes a drop dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.

She approaches the stunned guy and says, “Tell me, how long has it been since you’ve had a cigarette?”

“Ten years,” replies the stunned man.

With that she reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of cigarettes.

He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, “Man, oh man! Is that good!!”

“And how long has it been since you’ve had a sip of bourbon?” she asks him.

Trembling the castaway replies, “Ten years.”

She reaches over, unzips her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and hands it to him.

He opens the flask, takes a long swig and says, “WOW, that’s absolutely fantastic!”

At this point she starts slowly unzipping the long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit, looks at the man seductively, and asks, “And how long has it been since you’ve played around?”

With tears in his eyes, the guy falls to his knees and sobs, “Oh good Lord! Don’t tell me you’ve got golf clubs in there too?”

President Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar.

A guy walks in and asks the barman, “Isn’t that Bush and Powell sitting over there?”

The barman says, “Yep, that’s them.”

So the guy walks over and says, “Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?”

Bush says, “We’re planning WW III “.

And the guy says, “Really? What’s going to happen?”

Bush says, “Well, we’re going to kill 140 million Iraqis this time and one blonde with big tits.”

The guy exclaimed, “A blonde with big tits?”

“Why kill a blonde with big tits?”

Bush turns to Powell and says,

“See, I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!”

A guy finally gets a date with an easy blonde. To prepare for the date he sunbathes in the nude on his roof, falls asleep and burns his manhood.

He doesn’t want to cancel so he slathers it with lotion and wraps it in gauze. The blonde shows up at his house, and he treats her to a home-cooked dinner.

Afterwards they go to the living room to watch a movie. His manhood starts to bother him again so he excuses himself, goes into the kitchen, pours a glass of milk and immerses himself for immediate relief.

The blonde, however, wanted to know what he was doing and walks in on him with his Johnson in the milk and exclaims, “So that’s how you guys load those things!”

A blonde comes home one day to find her husband banging another woman.

“Billy, what are you doing?!” she cries.

Billy looks at his lover and says, “See. I told you she was stupid.”