An attractive blonde woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Texas when her car broke down. An Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off. The ride was uneventful except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a whoop so loud that it would echo from the surrounding hills.

When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final, “Yahoo!” and rode off.

“What did you do to get that Indian so excited?” asked the service station attendant.

“Nothing. I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto his saddle horn so I wouldn’t fall off.”

“Lady,” the attendant said, “Indians ride bareback”

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

“Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?”
The blonde said, “How about 50 dollars?” The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man’s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, “Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?”
The man replied, “She should. She was standing on the porch.”

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
“You’re finished already?” he asked. “Yes,” the blonde answered, “and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. “Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. “And by the way,” the blonde added, “that’s not a Porch, it’s a Ferrari.”

An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day’s route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn’t get out of her room. “You can’t get out of your room?” the captain asked, “Why not?”

The stewardess replied: “There are only three doors in here,” she sobbed, “one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says ‘Do Not Disturb’!”

A blonde and a brunette were involved in a terrible car accident and both cars were completely totaled.

They climbed from the wreckage and the brunette stood in awe. “Our cars are demolished, yet we walk unharmed. This must be a sign from God that we are to be best friends for the rest of our lives,” she said.

“I agree with you completely. No doubt we’ll be lifelong friends,” the blonde replied.

The brunette stepped closer to examine the damage and noticed something shiny within her car. Reaching in, she pulled out an unbroken bottle. “This bottle of wine wasn’t even cracked. I think this is another sign that we are to drink a toast to our new friendship.”

“That’s a great idea, miss,” the blonde answered, taking the bottle from her. She popped the cork and drank her share.

“I’m sorry. How rude of me. Would you like some?” the blonde asked.

“No, thanks,” said the brunette. “I’ll just wait until the cops get here.”

A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun.

She goes to his apartment unexpectedly, opens the door and, sure enough, finds him in the arms of a redhead. The blond is furious. She opens her purse to take out the gun but as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and aims it at her head.

The boyfriend yells “No, honey, don’t do it.”

The blond replies “Shut up. You’re next, you bastard.”

There was a Chinese dude, a Mexican dude, and a Blonde dude. The Chinese dude says, “What?!! Sushi again? If I have to eat sushi for lunch again, I’m gonna jump off a building!” Then the Mexican dude says, “What?!! Tacos again? If I have to eat tacos for lunch again, I’m gonna jump off a building too!” And then finally, the Blonde dude says, “What?!! A sandwich again? If I have to eat a sandwich for lunch again, I’m gonna jump off a building also!” At the funeral, the wife of the Chinese dude said, “If I knew you didn’t like sushi, I wouldn’t have made it for you anymore!” Then the wives of the Mexican dude said, “If we knew you didn’t like tacos, we wouldn’t have made it for you anymore!” And everyone in tears looks at the Blonde dude’s wife. All she had to say was, “What?!! HE MADE HIS OWN LUNCH!!!!!”

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she’s going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5, 000.00.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank; she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.

The bank’s president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000.00 Rolls Royce as collateral against a $5,000.00 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000.00 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, “Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5, 000.00?”

The blonde replies, “Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?”

Q: What do blondes and screen doors both have in common?

A: The harder you bang them the looser they get.

What does a blonde call oral sex in a Honda Civic?

Her Civic Duty

A man is complaining to his attractive blonde wife that they’re having money problems. The blonde tells him not to worry, and that she has an idea about how to make some money.

Several hours later, she comes home, and her husband asks her how much she made.

“One hundred dollars and twenty-five cents,” she replied proudly.

He looked at her with a confused expression and asked who gave her the quarter.

“Everybody,” she replied.