Two hunters were off on their annual trip to the Canadian wilderness to bag a moose. As the seaplane landed on a lake in a remote area, the pilot said, “I’ll be back in one week to pick you up. But only one moose, please.” When he returned to the lake, he found the hunters proudly standing beside two moose. “I told you guys only one moose!” the furious flier screamed. “There’s no way the plane can take off with that much weight!” “You’re just a chicken pilot,” one hunter said. “We killed two moose last year and that pilot wasn’t afraid to take off.” Stung by the suggestion of cowardice, he reconsidered. “All right, if you did it last year, I guess we can try it.” They loaded up and the pilot taxied to the far end of the lake to begin his take-off. The plane bounced across the water as it strained to get airborne, but the overloaded aircraft finally ran out of space and crashed into the trees. Some time later, the hunters regained consciousness. “Where are we?” one asked. His friend looked around at the scattered debris, then back at the edge of the lake and replied, “Oh, I guess about a hundred yards farther than last year.”

Late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their “secret” base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room. The pilot’s story was that he took off from Las Vegas, got lost, and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation. By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot really was lost and wasn’t a spy. They gassed up his airplane, gave him a terrifying “you-did-not-see-a-base” briefing, complete with threats of spending the rest of his life in prison, told him Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-such a heading, and sent him on his way.The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the SAME Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP’s surrounded the plane…only this time there were two people inside.The same pilot jumped out with hands raised and said, “Do anything you want to me, but my wife is in the plane and you have to tell her where I was last night!”

A Pope, a boy scout, and the smartest guy in the world are on an airplane that is going down (because the pilot had a heart attack).

The boy scout says, “Well, there are only two parachutes aboard. Who is going to use them?”"Since I am the smartest guy in the world I feel I need to use a parachute.” So, he grabs a bag and jumps out.”Looks like there is only one left, and since I have lived a full life you can use the other parachute.” said the Pope.”No. We can both live!” says the boy scout.”How?” asked the Pope.”The smartest guy in the world grabbed my backpack, not the parachute!”

“This is your captain speaking. On behalf of my crew I’d like to welcome you aboard British Airways flight 602 from New York to London. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Atlantic.”If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire.”If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off.”If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you.”That’s me, the copilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recording.”

Bush, Jean Chretien, the Pope and an eight year old girl are in a plane. Suddenly, the pilot says that plane has some malfunctions and they have to jump out. There were only three parachutes so Bush grabs one, puts it on and says “I am an important person, the American people depend on me!” and jumped. Jean Chretien picks one up and says “I am an important person, the Canadian people depend on me!” and jumped. The Pope turns to the little girl and says “You jump. I have lived my life!” But the little girl says “We can both jump, Jean Chretien jumped with my backpack!”

Two hunters were off on their annual trip to the Canadian wilderness to bag a moose. As the seaplane landed on a lake in a remote area, the pilot said, “I’ll be back in one week to pick you up. But only one moose, please.” When he returned to the lake, he found the hunters proudly standing beside two moose. “I told you guys only one moose!” the furious flier screamed. “There’s no way the plane can take off with that much weight!” “You’re just a chicken pilot,” one hunter said. “We killed two moose last year and that pilot wasn’t afraid to take off.” Stung by the suggestion of cowardice, he reconsidered. “All right, if you did it last year, I guess we can try it.” They loaded up and the pilot taxied to the far end of the lake to begin his take-off. The plane bounced across the water as it strained to get airborne, but the overloaded aircraft finally ran out of space and crashed into the trees. Some time later, the hunters regained consciousness. “Where are we?” one asked. His friend looked around at the scattered debris, then back at the edge of the lake and replied, “Oh, I guess about a hundred yards farther than last year.”

A photographer for a national magazine was assigned to take pictures of a great forest fire. He was advised that a small plane would be waiting to fly him over the fire.The photographer arrived at the airstrip just an hour before sundown. Sure enough, a small Cessna airplane was waiting. He jumped in with his equipment and shouted, “Let’s go!” The tense man sitting in the pilot’s seat swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air, though flying erratically.”Fly over the north side of the fire,” said the photographer, “and make several low-level passes.” “Why?” asked the nervous pilot. “Because I’m going to take pictures!” yelled the photographer. “I’m a photographer, and photographers take pictures.”After a long pause, the “pilot” replied: “You mean, you’re not my instructor?”

There came a big flood, and the water around Bhola’s house was rising steadily..

Bhola was standing on the porch, watching water rising all around him, when a man in a boat came along and called to Bhola, “Get in the boat and I’ll get you out of here. Bhola replied, “No thanks, God will save me.”

Bhola went into the house, and the water was starting to pour in. So, he went up to the second floor.

As he looked out, another man in a boat came along, and he called to Bhola, “Get in the boat and I’ll get you out of here.”

Again, Bhola replied, “No thanks. God will save me.”

The water kept rising. So, Bhola got out onto the roof.

A helicopter flew over, and the pilot called down to Bhola, “I’ll drop you a rope,grab onto it, and I’ll get you out of here.”

Again Bhola replied, “No thanks. God will save me.”

The water rose and rose, and soon nearly covered the whole house. Bhola fell in, and drowned.

When he arrived in Heaven, he saw God, and asked Him, “Why didn’t you save me from that terrible flood? Did I not show you my faith?”

With a loving but irritated tone God replied, “What more would you have me do? I sent people in two boats and a helicopter?”

Once Laloo Yadav, Sonia Gandhi, a saint and a schoolboy were travelling by
a private plane. Suddenly the engine caught fire and the pilot came out shouting,
“This plane is going to crash! And we have only four parachutes and there are
five of us in the plane. Since I am a very important Indian Airlines pilot I am
taking one parachute and getting out of here.” Saying this he rushed to the
luggage area grabbed one parachute and jumped offthe plane.
Sonia Gandhi said, “Since I am the future Prime Minister of India I am very
important and have to live!” She also grabbed a parachute and jumped.
Laloo Yadav said, “I am the king-maker of this country, the most honest
politician of India and above all the most intelligent person living in this country,
and the most intelligent person must live!” Saying so Laloo went to the luggage
area, grabbed one and jumped off the plane.
The old saint said to the school boy, “There is only one parachute left,
and there are two of us. I am an old man and don’t need to live
any more. You take the last parachute and jump.”The school boy said,
“Don’t worry! There are still two parachutes left with us!
The most intelligent person, Laloo Yadav, jumped off the plane with my school bag!”

“This is Captain of your plane speaking. On behalf of my crew I’d like to welcome you aboard Indian Airways flight 596 Bombay to GOA. We are currently flying at a height of 35,000 feet midway across the Arabian Sea.
“If you look out of the windows on the starboard side of the aircraft, you will observe that both the starboard engines are on fire.
“If you look out of the windows on the port side, you will observe that the port wing has fallen off.
“If you look down towards the Atlantic ocean, you will see a little yellow life raft with three people in it waving at you.
“That’s me your captain, the co-pilot, and one of the air stewardesses. This is a recorded message. Have a good flight!”