Daily Jokes to Beat the Boredom » Answering Machine Jokes

Prank Call

admin — Sun, 11 Feb 2007 16:55:34 +0000

(To be left on an answering machine, or as a general prank call)

“You know, the strangest thing happened to me today… I asked the devil for a condom, and he gave me three. I asked the devil for a dollar, and he gave me ten. Then I asked the devil for a ho and he gave me this number.”

Mpaa Answering Machine

admin — Sat, 07 Feb 2004 06:59:55 +0000

Thank you for calling the Motion Picure Association of America. We can’t come to the phone right now, as we’re too busy bribing various politicians to pass laws favorable to us, and over-dramatically pretenting that Hollywod is going out of business because of VCRs and DVD burners.

At the sound of the tone, please scratch all of your DVDs with a key or other sharp object, and proceed immediately to the store to repurchase them over and over.

Soviet

admin — Sat, 07 Feb 2004 05:59:55 +0000

Thank you for calling Soviet Embassy. No KG… Um, I mean… Um, no “diplomats” are able to answer phone, so at sound of capitalist tone, leave name, telephone number, and short description of secrets you wish to sell.

Mom’s Basement

admin — Fri, 06 Feb 2004 15:59:55 +0000

You’ve reached my mom’s basement, where I continue to live, despite the fact that I am in my mid-40′s.

I have no life.

[BEEP]

Cia

admin — Fri, 06 Feb 2004 14:59:55 +0000

You have reached the private secure CIA hotline.

This call has been traced, and you may expect 30 angry agents to kick down your door at any moment.

[BEEP]

Suicide Hotline

admin — Fri, 06 Feb 2004 13:59:55 +0000

Thank you for calling the Suicide Hotline. Please leave your name, number, and a brief description of your chosen method of demise, and we’ll be sure to get back to you sometime within the next week or so.

[BEEP]